REHAB.
My last three years were the toughest years of my life.
When I experienced that life-changing accident, I’ve come to realize a lot of things that I will no longer elaborate because I am tired and I don’t want to hear the same comments from the not-so-sensitive people around me. But I will still try to convince my readers for the last time that it was not easy and forgettable because it changed me, the way I see things, and my life. There are times when I find it hard to sleep because everything suddenly flashes back. Particularly the feeling of being alone, of being forced to keep things to myself because drama wasn’t their thing, of being forced to move on and to forget like it was all just a nightmare. Sometimes, it comes back (the feeling) while I’m watching, talking to someone, reading, laughing, etc. It’s something that I can’t control. It traumatized me. It’s like you got cheated on by your boyfriend. Sometimes even if you don’t want to, you remember what he did and how it felt and it hits you hard over and over. I became vulnerable and paranoid. I also started to anticipate that a lot of negative things are happening while I’m not around. I used to be free from other people’s opinion, but just like what I said, it changed me. But I am no longer expecting anyone from that part of my life to understand. I have a few friends who know how to sympathize, and I am thankful like that.
Honestly, I truly want to be forgotten. I just want to be a stranger to everyone from that part of this lifetime (except for lover). That’ll be a lot easier for me to forget and to finally move on. And that’s what I’m gonna do from now on. No more social networking sites. I’m abandoning my twitter account even if it’s hard because it’s been my best listener for a number of depressing months. I decided to leave twitter because I can no longer take judgement of other people. We all rant, but I just hate when eyes are on me and when people start assuming as if they know everything. It causes so much trouble, so I quit. I will also use my Facebook account only to upload pictures. Actually, that’s the only reason why I reactivated it. I just feel so suffocated right now. I feel like I’m despised. I’ve had mistakes from the past, but I had my reasons. We all have reasons, we all become bad at some point. Hehe.
I hope I come back with a happy heart. I hope this whole thing works even if it sort of sounds stupid and dramatic. I hope no alien invades my blog because right now, this is the only thing I have.
